- Blue Bell Ice Cream - If you find yourself standing in front of Dreyer's, Bryer's, Ben & Jerry's, etc. at the store, you are obviously either a.) Not in or from Texas b.) Cannot spell or see 3.) Have not experienced the greatness that is Blue Bell.
- Texas Stereotypes - We have one TV, and surprise, Emily enjoys watching Lifetime. Emily is the best thing that has ever happened to me and my soulmate, so naturally I have to spend my entire day stalking her and hanging out with her. This also requires that I trade nights of watching sports and Man vs. Food (a show I am very passionate about, thanks Martin) for Suburban Sally. Suburban Sally is my poor attempt of making fun of a Lifetime movie that goes something like this: Sally is a beautiful brunette with a great husband and two great kids with a perfect lawn, house, wood floors, and no mortgage payment. One day Sally finds out that her son's female teacher has a crush on her husband, however, the husband is actually cheating on his wife with another teacher, and his son's teacher is jealous. The husband ends up dying in a fiery crash and the wife ends up with her son's teacher in a lesbian twist. Does this not sound like a Lifetime movie? I digress. My point is tonight on Lifetime there was a movie that started out with Police Officers in the middle of Houston who all had on cowboy hats, everyone had a huge accent, there were mountains in the background, and it looked like a desert around them. We'll come back to this.
Blue Bell Ice Cream is needed after at least one meal a week. Why you ask? Let me answer my question with another question. After you work out and you are sore, don't you ice your body to keep the swelling down? After you exercise your stomach and eat a big meal you should ice down your stomach, it's just common sense to keep from stomach swelling.
I have to finish up now because my wife says I get a 'creepy smile' when I start discussing Blue Bell, but I did want to provide some value to our viewers. Cookies and Cream is my favorite Blue Bell Ice Cream and my favorite dessert of all time, if you have not tried it, you should. It is especially good when you get a container that has a lot of big cookies in it, it's like a great surprise. Several weeks ago I came across a new flavor, 'Vanilla Cookies and Cream'. I suggest after your next workout that you try it out.
Texas Stereotypes: For all of you non-Texans out there let's get a few things straight.
- Yes, we do have cowboys. However, so does South Dakota and New York.
- Yes, there is oil in the ground in Texas. No, not everyone works for Exxon. Quick aside: Why does everyone complain about oil company profits, they are usually in line with other corporations when times are good (10-15%) You don't see people getting ticked off when Target or Baby Gap's profit is this high. And aren't companies suppose to make a profit.
- Yes, we have deserts. So does California. We also have more trees in East Texas than you can imagine, swamps near the Louisiana/Texas border, and big cities. The deserts are near El Paso, that's about 12 hours from my house. This is like someone in New York City driving to Indiana, big difference right? I actually only know one person from El Paso and I've never even been there.
- Yes, we have accents. So do people in Boston. The accents in Texas are really not that bad compared to other states. Try Tennessee or Kentucky, their accents will blow you away.
- We have farms and cows. So does Illinois. I drove through Illinois once, it was 8 hours of corn and then Chicago. Several Cubs fans tried to tell me two things 1.) Girls in Texas are not pretty, which is very funny 2.) Everyone lives on ranches in Texas. Cubs fans, I drove past more farms in your state than I do in Texas. Also Cubs fans, you are the Los Angeles Clippers of baseball with grass on your outfield walls.
- Texas is better than you, please deal with this accordingly.
- The University of Texas football team and the Dallas Cowboys are two teams in Texas. We also have about 10 more professional teams and about 30 Division I football teams.
- Longhorns on the front of cars. Yes, I have seen Longhorns on the front of a car in Texas...maybe once. There are so many times in movies that I see cars with Longhorns on them, it just doesn't happen.
- I have been on a horse twice in my life, both times in Colorado. I once had a joker in Pennsylvania tell me he was in downtown Houston and police officers were parking horses everywhere, and he did not see many cars. Penn man, there are 6 million people that live in Houston and hundreds of thousands that work downtime, do you really think they take a horse in 30 miles from The Woodlands?
- We don't all live on ranches. We live on 1/10000 of an acre (which I hate). I can broad jump across my yard.
- Cowboy hats - Yes we have cowboy hats but we also have baseball caps too. Anytime you see a police officer in a movie based in Texas they are wearing a cowboy hat.
Have a great Labor Day weekend y'all!