Whoa, slow down.

I am normally a person that is on the go constantly. I can't sit still for long (unless it's during an episode of Real Housewives) and I'm constantly doing things. Having a baby has forced me to slow down big time. There are times when I'm trying to get a million things done and Charlotte is fussy and I sit to feed her. As she eats she just stares up at me and it's as if the world has stopped. At that moment I forget what I was working on that was interrupted and just enjoy the 20 minutes or so that I have to sit with her. The laundry can wait, the dishwasher can wait, and the phone calls can wait. What isn't going to stop is my little girl getting bigger and growing up. Sometimes I just need to put the brakes on and enjoy these little moments with Charlotte.

Guilt.

Being a parent is hard. It is so challenging and we are faced with having to make decisions every day from the moment you get pregnant. You give up your body for almost a year to carry this precious human being and then afterwards you give everything you have to take care of the baby that you now have in your arms. The love Dan and I have for Charlotte is nothing I have every felt before and we only want the best for her.

Since getting pregnant I was determined to attempt to breast feed. We took the class, talked to friends, read tons of information on it, bought the tools, etc. I was very determined to make it work but on the other hand I have said I am not against using formula. Dan and I were both formula fed babies and we turned out just fine. I feel that today there is a lot of pressure to breast feed. After having a baby everyone asks you about it. I don't mind talking about it, but I don't want to be pressured to do it. In the hospital they provide wonderful lactation consultants and they are even free of charge to see after you leave.

I can honestly say that breast feeding is one of the hardest things I have ever done. First of all, your milk doesn't come in for a few days. Charlotte was born on Thursday and my milk didn't come in until Monday night. Man that was painful. Prior to your milk coming in you still have to attempt to nurse your baby to help the process. That was even more difficult. When you are trying to feed your baby and there is hardly anything to feed them and they are screaming because they are hungry. Talk about testing your patience. Once my milk came in I produced so much more than Charlotte needed. It was incredibly painful and I thought that's just what breast feeding felt like. I couldn't even get my shirts on by myself because it hurt so bad. After meeting with a consultant I learned that I was over producing so I would have to nurse Charlotte and then pump to avoid infections that I kept getting. When Dan was home it was fine, but after he went back to work it was really hard to do both nursing and pumping every three hours. But if I didn't pump, I would get clogged ducts. The past couple of weeks I have really struggled with what to do. I have so many friends that have breast fed their babies for 6+ months and were very successful at it and enjoyed it and here I am at the 6 week mark so discouraged. You always hear that "breast is best" and they lead you to believe that if you don't breast feed your baby will be sick all the time especially if they are in daycare.

After meeting with our pediatrician and talking it to death with Dan and me shedding many tears we decided it would be best to stop. I had to think about my health as well as Charlotte's. I was beginning to dread feeding time and when you feed 7-8 times a day that's a lot of time you are unhappy. I have a lot of "liquid gold" saved up in the freezer so Charlotte will continue to get breast milk for a while which makes me happy. I can honestly say that I gave it my best shot and at the end of the day it didn't work for Charlotte and I for the long run. I am proud of myself for going for almost 6 weeks but I still feel majorly guilty. I guess only time will tell if she will get sick often. I know that this is the first of many tough decisions we are going to have to make for Charlotte. I guess it's all part of being a parent.

This little angel obviously doesn't care either way. Isn't she just the cutest?

Newborn Essentials...from my point of view

There are some things that I have learned I can't live without over the past month. When we were preparing for Charlotte we were given and purchased all these things and we didn't know what we would actually use.

My Diaper Bag. I was on the look out for the perfect diaper bag during my pregnancy. On our Baby Moon I bought one at Rosie Pope. Best. Bag. Ever. It holds everything I need and doesn't look like a diaper bag.

My iPhone. We use our phone for everything whether it's setting a timer or googling something. We couldn't live without our phones right now.

The Breast Friend. If you are going to nurse, this is the pillow to use. It's awesome.

The Swaddleme blanket. It looks like a baby straight jacket and you might feel sorry for the baby inside, but I can't help think that this is why Charlotte is sleeping so well. She goes to sleep as soon as we wrap her up at night. We only put her in it at night, but she loves it and we love sleep. Her legs are so long that we might have to figure out something else soon, but right now this works for us.

The Nosefrida. Don't knock this until you try it. I made fun of it when I read about it and then I had a baby with a stuffy nose and used it. AMAZING. Everyone with a baby needs it. It's not gross, it has a filter and it works.

Aiden and Anais blankets. These are breathable blankets that are great for swaddling and everything else. They are huge and so soft. We love these.

My husband. He's been so amazing with our little girl. She falls asleep every time he holds her and in his arms is her favorite place. We are a team and he changes just as many diapers as I do and we get up together every night. I couldn't do this without him.

1 Month!

This little munchkin is 1 month old today! It's much harder to photograph a newborn than you think. It's much easier when she is sleeping so that's my fault for trying to get her with her eyes open which is much more these days! We are still loving every minute with her.

3 weeks!

I cannot believe that Charlotte has been with us for 22 days now. She's such an angel and we are having so much fun with her. She is still a great sleeper giving us 5-6 hours some nights which is much appreciated. Other nights she wakes up every 3-4 hours to eat. People keep telling us that she will change, but so far she's been the same little angel that we brought home. We had her 2 week check up last week and we are the proud parents of healthy baby! Charlotte slept through the entire thing. The doctor actually wrote "perfect" in the comments. We already knew that :) She is in the 50% for weight and 90% for height! We have a tall skinny baby on our hands! Check out these feet!

We have ventured out of our house several times and Charlotte has slept through all of them, shocking I know. Dan had to go back to work this week which was really hard. I have been spoiled having him home since Charlotte was born. Everything seemed so easy when he was here because we did everything together. Tuesday when he went back to work I had to figure out how to take care of Charlotte by myself. The week got better and today Charlotte and I took our first shopping trip together. She is too long for her newborn clothes, so I have been looking for two piece outfits to fit her long skinny legs. During the day I'm trying to let her nap in her crib and she doesn't seem to know the difference. We like her sleeping in our room at night but I would like to try and move her to her room when I go back to work.

We are so crazy in love with Charlotte and are excited to spend this weekend together.